Amy Kennedy strolled into the Sydney, Australia branch of MikesPieHole.com. The following dialog was transcribed from security camera footage.
AK: I saw your website. G'donya. You could make a quid painting a portrait of my heifer.
MPH.com: You have a heifer? Is that a cow, or some frumpy old lady you know?
AK: Yep, I have a pet cow. She is a sweetheart. She is due to have her first baby next month, so I am going to be a grandma!
MPH.com: Send a pic and we will have our Senior Bovine Portrait Artist have a look.
AK: You will regret asking for photos. This is Heidi, she is my love. The breed is Galloway. They are very hairy and come in different colours. And this is Kilroy, a little bull calf that I took to a show recently. And this is one of the recent calves on the farm. Her name is Loretta. And this is...
MPH.com: ...OK, OK... We only have one Senior Bovine Portrait Artist, and he plans to retire one day. So just one painting at a time.
AK: We bought an old government bus off Ebay for Heidi to raise her family. We are renovating the bus. Decorating is ace with hay bales and alfalfa... I am having a baby shower for Heidi in a fortnight.
MPH.com: Baby shower for a cow?!? Are you inviting Heidi's friends or your friends?
MPH.com: OK. While you work on the calf shower, we will get to work on this portrait.
About a month later on May 12, 2015...
AK: I became a grandma this morning. Heidi had the calf.
MPH.com: We hope mama and calf are doing well. Was it a boy or a girl? Have you chosen a name?
AK: Too early to tell, mate. We need to feel it's bits and it's bobs to be sure at this age. Haven't chosen a name. But since it was born in 2015 its name must start with "L".
MPH.com: How about Lulu if its a girl and Lou if its a boy.
AK: I like Lulu for a girl. If he grows into a bull, I plan to name him LL Cool Bull. But if we snip him and he becomes a steer...
MPH.com: Then you would be left with Lou.
AK: I think so...
Heidi the Heifer